They say that we learn from experience more than anything else, but experience is also the toughest teacher. I have always been someone who makes friends easily and once you're my friend, you'll always be my friend, and no matter what kind of a rut I'm in I'll always be there for you. Recent experiences have taught me that not everyone can be your friend and that some will end up hurting you. This has taught me to be discriminatory towards who I choose to be friends with...which is a shame as I would be missing out on a lot of great friendships, and someone out there who might really need one will be losing out. I'm not being egoistic, but I'm the kind of friend that will hold on even when you let go. So, when I make friends with people who choose to violate the trust that i have in them to be honest and open with me, which is not too much to ask, I hesitate to make friends...and this is one lesson I wish experience never taught me.
I have always been a very private, introverted person, even though those who stand on the outside see me as an extrovert who enjoys life...but once you know me long enough you will realize that i give just enough for people to think of me as open and joyful and not one bit more. I keep things to myself, my problems, my worries, and my pain and it takes me a lot of courage and strength to tell someone something, after which i loathe to repeat it to them or anyone else. I also tend to analyze things with a greater intensity than others, you might say something in passing to me about the way i treated you or something you find lacking in me and forget about it in the next moment as it is so insignificant, but this insignificant remark will keep me awake days and nights, wondering if it is true, and if it was, what do I do?, what should I do? what have I done?...While you breathe easy, i drown in self doubt and guilt that shadows my every move when I'm with you and when I'm not, reminding me of how much I've hurt you and wounded your heart, while to you it was a mere tickle that was forgotten in passing. I urge you...be careful of what you say to me, because although you see a strong, confident, and secure individual, the truth is the smallest remark or gesture are what hurt me the most.
I guess being my friend is not as easy as it seems...
I have always been a very private, introverted person, even though those who stand on the outside see me as an extrovert who enjoys life...but once you know me long enough you will realize that i give just enough for people to think of me as open and joyful and not one bit more. I keep things to myself, my problems, my worries, and my pain and it takes me a lot of courage and strength to tell someone something, after which i loathe to repeat it to them or anyone else. I also tend to analyze things with a greater intensity than others, you might say something in passing to me about the way i treated you or something you find lacking in me and forget about it in the next moment as it is so insignificant, but this insignificant remark will keep me awake days and nights, wondering if it is true, and if it was, what do I do?, what should I do? what have I done?...While you breathe easy, i drown in self doubt and guilt that shadows my every move when I'm with you and when I'm not, reminding me of how much I've hurt you and wounded your heart, while to you it was a mere tickle that was forgotten in passing. I urge you...be careful of what you say to me, because although you see a strong, confident, and secure individual, the truth is the smallest remark or gesture are what hurt me the most.
I guess being my friend is not as easy as it seems...
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