where's my heart?

This week was supposed to be my break week...a week where you relax, unwind, and catch up with yourself. Me? Noooooo, i spent time catching up with projects and studying and quizzes...the list is endless.
Thing is, sometimes you get so caught up with all these things that's going on in your life that you forget to stop and look. I'm not talking about smelling the roses or staring at the clouds...but just look. I did, and I didn't like what I saw. All my friends went home to spend time with their families, and I insisted on staying here because of my truckload of work. It's easy, all I had to do was set some days aside and say I'm gonna spend some time with my family, but somehow I came to the conclusion that completing all these mundane tasks would fulfil my "needs". Somewhere along the line I lost track of my priorities. My brother is home for the week and I haven't seen him for the longest time...I want to so badly that my heart is breaking. My parents, I've been here for more than a year and they still call me multiple times a day...which annoys me to no end, and yet when they don't it's a void I find difficult to fill. My sister? Oh god, how I hate her...and yet when I'm not with her is when I miss her smile and the fighting the most.
I suppose my message today is simple, you don't and won't know what you have until you get a glimpse of what life is like once it's gone. I've made up my mind that I'm going to go see them soon, hopefully soon is soon... Although I tell this to myself all the time, today is the first time I've realised just how big a place these 4 people hold in my heart. At first i thought I was just missing my friends, since they're all gone, but it wasn't just that. It's this. Too bad, I come from a family that doesn't really express affection verbally, I can never tell them just how much I love them. I remember this one instance when I first came here, I was so incredibly homesick, that while I was talking to my mother on the phone I was sobbing, but she had no clue. Some might think what's so difficult about admitting that you're homesick? But see, that wasn't the issue. My mother had never been away from me for more than a couple of weeks, and even then I was with relatives. I found out from my father that she had trouble sleeping at night and was constantly worried about me, if I let her in on the fact that I was crying, I know for a fact that that she would cry herself to sleep until the next time she saw me. My dad? He calls me constantly, not to check up on me (he could care less if I'm playing tonsil hockey with some guy, which I'm not...but just to hear my voice) and threatens me to eat, as if that would somehow magically make us closer. I guess that's how Indian parents express love, since my mom does it everytime too. Sometimes I feel like I have an unhealthy bond with my parents, I mean how many of us can say, at this very moment, that out parents would die if that was what it took for us to be happy? I know I'm being melodramatic, but I can.
This is turning out to be a really long post, so where's my heart? It's not with some guy I met or something like that. It's with these 4 insignificant people, and the best part is I know they will never break it. Maybe someday when a guy comes along, he'll be smart enough to ask a small piece from them, and these "gatekeepers" as I call them will be the ones to determine if he can join them and keep guard over my fragile heart as I keep guard over a piece of each of theirs...and his too. :P

weekend happenings...

This weekend, I decided to sort of pay back one my cousins by helping her be a tour guide to some of my other cousins who were in Singapore for the first time...I was sooo exhausted from just coming back from Singapore Friday night and having to go back again on Saturday morning. Those of you whom have traveled back and forth know how tiring it is. It turned out to be one of my best and worst experiences to date. Now those of you who read my blog (1 person, occasionally, which would be me) know that I usually don't go into details, but just this once I might indulge.
Basically the sight seeing wasn't much, all I can remember is the amount of walking we had to do...my legs hurt sooo bad!!! Oh, and I got some really cool stuff from this 3 for $10 shop, and now I'm trying to figure out why I bought them...which is what I always do. The crux of me wanting to delve into the details is what happened on Saturday night. Now, for those that know me, you know that I have OCD, so I always do things a certain away and I never steer to far away from it. For the first time in my whole history of having alcoholic drinks, for a lack of a better term...I drank with people other than my 4 friends. This might not be a big deal to some but to me, breaking tradition takes a lot of strength.
Oh, and I like Vodka because it doesn't have any taste, so when I realised that once you mix it with juice, it tastes like well, juice, I drank and drank and didn't really know my limit... Which was how I ended up throwing up my entire stomach's contents at 5 a.m. in the morning... It was the first time I drank enough to really have my head spin much less throw up! But it was an interesting experience. I would like to thank a cousin of mine who helped me through the "throwing up period"(you know who you are, if you read this of course), coz without her, grandaunt would have probably found me on the bathroom floor in the morning...hahaha.

p/s: I also found out that when I'm drunk I remember things with greater clarity, which is frightening...hehehe.

Well, till next time my fellow adventurous peeps!!! ( trying to sound hip isn't really working is it, well i guess i'll just have to keep trying) :P

fate or coincidence???

On my 21st birthday, a series of things happened prompting me to wonder if everything that happens in this world is a random event...or a pre-orchestrated series of events made to look random but actually part of the universe's divine or merely sinister plot to control our lives. Although, since it's all pre-planned, that means what happens to us has already been written in the stars so to speak. Makes you wonder if all those astrologers and psychics are in fact telling the truth to some degree.
I had a lot of fun, and even though there was no cake or the typical birthday festivities, in a way the things that happened kinda proved that I was 21. It was a collection of first's for me, so much so that i think it shocked my friends. My face is feeling hot just talking about it, LOL... Well, till next time!!!